Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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