I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
