I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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