Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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