my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize