I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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