and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
