i was born a porn star she said
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fuck appropriateness.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
