Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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