so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
