Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you would pick up someone in the library
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
