bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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