sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
