someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
