Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
