My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
