i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
