i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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