It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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