cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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