I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
