its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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