beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize