So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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