Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
