I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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