I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
