I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
