how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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