I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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