then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
