I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
