I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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