she smelled like a LAN party
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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