Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
