wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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