I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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