My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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