It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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