What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
