I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
