Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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