if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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