I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
