we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
