dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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