there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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