Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize