September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
