I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
