just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
