I skipped work to stalk him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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