You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
