God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize