I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am mentally ready for anal.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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