i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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