Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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