Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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