I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
