This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
