Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
