I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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