And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
