hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
