Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
