it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
