I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
