Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
40s are totally the cure
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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