i permit you to call me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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