We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
