I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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