Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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