is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
