That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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