This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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