I'm so fucking centered right now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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