Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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