Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
