how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
