I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
