woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
