Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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